Item updated: Insulin

Description:
Old: Insulin was discovered in 1921 by Banting and Best in Toronto, Canada, who sold the patent to the University of Toronto for one measly dollar as their gift to the world. Today, the United States bleeds uninsured diabetics dry with extortionate insulin prices, while Canada sells the same life-saving drug for a fraction of the cost. F**king socialists, eh? With Torn producing no insulin of its own, smugglers are left to meet local demand, importing large coolers of this life-saving drug to keep the city’s pharmacy stocked. And if some of these supplies end up being sold to fat Americans at an even fatter profit, that’s all the sweeter.
New: Insulin was discovered in 1921 by Banting and Best in Toronto, Canada, who sold the patent to the University of Toronto for one measly dollar as their gift to the world. Today, the United States bleeds uninsured diabetics dry with extortionate insulin prices, while Canada sells the same life-saving drug for a fraction of the cost. Fucking socialists, eh? With Torn producing no insulin of its own, smugglers are left to meet local demand, importing large coolers of this life-saving drug to keep the city’s pharmacy stocked. And if some of these supplies end up being sold to fat Americans at an even fatter profit, that’s all the sweeter.

Item updated: Gold Sneakers

Description:
Old: Jazz up an otherwise forgettable outfit with this pair of snazzy Gold Sneakers! Constructed from coated rubber and canvas, these Gold Sneakers will look like absolute s**t as soon as you scuff them just once, so treat them with care!
New: Jazz up an otherwise forgettable outfit with this pair of snazzy Gold Sneakers! Constructed from coated rubber and canvas, these Gold Sneakers will look like absolute shit as soon as you scuff them just once, so treat them with care!

Item updated: Heavy Arms Cache

Description:
Old: The Heavy Arms cache is where you will find big f***ing weapons to put down big f***ing people. If you feel like you have heavy arms then you may be suffering from a severe nerve disorder, but if you want heavy arms, open this damn crate.
New: The Heavy Arms cache is where you will find big fucking weapons to put down big fucking people. If you feel like you have heavy arms then you may be suffering from a severe nerve disorder, but if you want heavy arms, open this damn crate.

Item updated: Paperclips

Description:
Old: Do you have a job that requires precisely 501 paperclips? Then this tub of 500 paperclips is almost exactly what you need. Crafted from reasonable-quality metal, these paperclips are 99% guaranteed to fix any two pieces of paper or thin card together. Thick card? Probably not. Heavy-duty plastic wallets? Probably not. Sheet metal? Go f**k yourself. But card and paper, that's never a problem for these almost halfway decent metal fastener things.
New: Do you have a job that requires precisely 501 paperclips? Then this tub of 500 paperclips is almost exactly what you need. Crafted from reasonable-quality metal, these paperclips are 99% guaranteed to fix any two pieces of paper or thin card together. Thick card? Probably not. Heavy-duty plastic wallets? Probably not. Sheet metal? Go fuck yourself. But card and paper, that's never a problem for these almost halfway decent metal fastener things.

Item updated: Book : The Hamburglar's Guide To Crime

Description:
Old: For three decades The Hamburglar's cheeky beef-stealing exploits were a mainstay of the McDonald's marketing campaign - until a brush with the law in 2003 put an end to both his career and his freedom. Embittered by a custody feud with his ex-wife, Birdie the Early Bird, The Hamburglar (real name Dennis Blork) was sent down for a 12 year stretch by Mayor McCheese after Officer Big Mac stumbled upon him desecrating the salad supplies at a nearby Burger King. But far from being the punishment intended, prison instead hardened The Hamburglar's criminal ways, giving him a range of crafty cons and terrible torture techniques courtesy of his fellow inmates. Now in this tell-all autobiography, The Hamburglar passes on his unique blend of criminal insight and erotic onion-based anecdotes in this The Hamburglar's Guide To Crime.

"If I see you looking at me like that again I'll f**king cut you"
- R. McDonald Esq
New: For three decades The Hamburglar's cheeky beef-stealing exploits were a mainstay of the McDonald's marketing campaign - until a brush with the law in 2003 put an end to both his career and his freedom. Embittered by a custody feud with his ex-wife, Birdie the Early Bird, The Hamburglar (real name Dennis Blork) was sent down for a 12 year stretch by Mayor McCheese after Officer Big Mac stumbled upon him desecrating the salad supplies at a nearby Burger King. But far from being the punishment intended, prison instead hardened The Hamburglar's criminal ways, giving him a range of crafty cons and terrible torture techniques courtesy of his fellow inmates. Now in this tell-all autobiography, The Hamburglar passes on his unique blend of criminal insight and erotic onion-based anecdotes in this The Hamburglar's Guide To Crime.

"If I see you looking at me like that again I'll fucking cut you"
- R. McDonald Esq